Do you know that awesome
feeling when you get into
bed, fall right to sleep, stay
asleep all night and wake up feeling
refreshed…? Me neither!
I think it’s becoming an epidemic.
Everyone I speak with has
a similar problem. Well, sleepless
people at North Shore Towers…
let’s unite! Should we start a club?
Could it be like a pajama party?
Could we talk ourselves to sleep?
After some research, I decided
I’m going to hire a sleep coach.
What is that you ask? I really don’t
know but if it works I’ll be sooo
happy. After much time, I came
up with a list of their suggestions.
Some may work and some may not,
but at least we’ll have “some food
for thought.” Here are some of the
1) Think positive: “Negative
thoughts keep you awake.”
Thinking positive is good,
except for when I keep drooling
on myself over the delicious
cheesecake I’m going to eat
tomorrow. That’s positive, but
I had to get up and change my
nightie because of the drooling.
I guess I took the words “food
for thought” too literally.
2) Never go to sleep mad…:
“because you’ll stay awake all
night and plot a horrible revenge.”
What’s wrong with that?
3) Don’t aspire to be smarter each
day: “People with higher intelligence
tend to have a harder
time falling asleep because of
increased brain activity.” Really?
We’re all happy to know that.
4) Pretend you’re tired: “Trick
your brain into thinking you’re
exhausted. Concentrate on things
you would feel if tired—drooping
eyes, dragging your tail…” That
should be easy. I droop everywhere
and my tail is getting so
huge, I have to drag it on an
every-day basis. It’s not working
for me. Must be the big tail that
keeps me awake.
5) Adjust your temperature: “Ideal
sleeping temperature is 60–67
degrees.” Maybe for you. Not
for me. Icicle formations start
when I’m at a comfortable room
temperature. Ask my newest travel
mate, Mrs. Claus. What they
don’t tell you is you also need a
warm cuddly blanket. (What else
is there to sleep with?)
6) Meditation or the sounds of
nature: I’ll now need a meditation
advisor, because when I
meditate I don’t say “ommm…”
Mine start with “oy vey” or “oy
vey iz mir.” Depending on how
committed I am to the meditation
that day. As for the sounds
of nature, what is considered a
sound of nature? I’m afraid mine
may be very different from what
7) Stretch: “Put your leg up against
the wall and stretch.” If I could
put my legs up against the wall,
I’d be in great shape. Right now,
while thinking of that configuration,
all that keeps running
through my head is 911.
8) Relax from head to toe:
“Concentrate on each muscle
from your toes up. Tell yourself
my feet are getting sleepy.
My right leg is getting very
sleepy.” What’s new
a b o u t
t h a t ?
e v e r y
they’re not tired
9) Try 4-7-8 exerc
i s e s … :
b l o o d
s l e e p i n e s s .
Inhale for 4
your breath for 7
for 8 seconds.
Repeat as necessary.”
woke up in the ER
I knew this one was a
keeper. I’m not fussy how I fall
asleep. Just so long as it works!
10) Journal: “If your mind’s racing
grab a notebook. Write. Jot down
every thought you have. Write
until you’re out of ideas and
tired.” I’m not sure that works for
me. I jot down things all the time.
I sleep with a pencil and paper
at my bedside. It’s starting to get
silly—two reams of paper and
three boxes of sharpened pencils.
I need a bigger bedside table or
maybe a desk and a lamp. How
is this going to help me? Do I
now need a larger bedroom? A
larger apartment? This is part of
the problem: too much to think
about at the wrong time of day.
Isn’t this what I’m supposed to
11) Drink something hot: “Hot
milk with honey or decaf tea or
warm broth.” Wait is this
like cooking? Where is
my kitchen again? The
stove—which way do I
turn the knobs—fully
to the left or the right?
Won’t this make me
concentrate on the task at hand
and really wake me up? What If
I’m out of milk or honey? Does
that mean I have to get dressed
and drive to a food store that’s
open all night? Well maybe that
cold night air might be enough
to make me feel comfy enough
to cozy up with that cuddly blanket
when I get back home. This
12) Cover your eyes with an eye
mask: If you use an eye mask,
how would you find the bathroom
at night? Would I look like
a masked intruder to my travel
mates? That could be dangerous.
In defending themselves, they
might knock me out with their
bags filled with their onboard
purchases or I might walk into
a wall and knock myself out.
Well, those two scenarios offer
a different version of getting to
sleep. I think I’ll pass on both
If any of these suggestions from
a sleep coach appeal to you let me
know. Right now, I need something
to keep me awake… Zzzzzzz!
20 NORTH SHORE TOWERS COURIER ¢ November 2018